But it wasn't all sunbeams for Haydn the adult either- He missed the mark big time in one respect: His wife. Oops. Haydn loved a girl who was unfortunately predestined by her family to a nunnery, so she was packed off to the nunnery, much to Haydn's disappointment. Her sister was available. So he went for her instead. After their marriage he found she had... not a lot of respect for music or composition or composers or manuscripts or any such thing which made things really hard for her musical, composing, manuscript writing husband because their living depended on his success and his success depended on 
his manuscripts that were too often taken from his writing desk and ending up lining her muffin tins and ending up as curl-papers for Mrs. Haydn's coiffure. I am Dead Serious. This really happened. This is one of those situations that would make even the most hardened marriage counselor's jaw drop. Well, needless to say, their relationship did not flourish because she was like this on a regular basis. They separated, whether amicably or not I cannot tell, but he supported her comfortably in her own home and regarded himself as a married man the rest of his life. This I really, really respect about him: Haydn wrote to a friend who was suggesting the beginning of a relationship between Haydn and one of his students, a rich, handsome widow who obviously preferred him: "I am not a free man." Haydn recognized that vows are forever.
his manuscripts that were too often taken from his writing desk and ending up lining her muffin tins and ending up as curl-papers for Mrs. Haydn's coiffure. I am Dead Serious. This really happened. This is one of those situations that would make even the most hardened marriage counselor's jaw drop. Well, needless to say, their relationship did not flourish because she was like this on a regular basis. They separated, whether amicably or not I cannot tell, but he supported her comfortably in her own home and regarded himself as a married man the rest of his life. This I really, really respect about him: Haydn wrote to a friend who was suggesting the beginning of a relationship between Haydn and one of his students, a rich, handsome widow who obviously preferred him: "I am not a free man." Haydn recognized that vows are forever.
I love this post. Haydn's firm respect for the institution of marriage is something to be respected, for sure.
ReplyDeleteIt brings to mind something I've thought a lot about, throughout our marriage, and in witnessing other marriages too--the need to appreciate and admire the individuality and talents of our spouses, and to be their biggest cheerleader and fan. It takes a checking of our attitudes with regards to differences of interests sometimes, but the result in the overall spirit of a marriage--from bitter to indifferent to joyful can be so huge.
Didn't mean to go off--but this has really spoken to me over time. Thanks for this post!
Good for Hydn. The single most important natural character trait one can have is the ability to get along with people. If you are negative and people don't want to be around you, you will have a hard time keeping a job (or a marriage) in spite of the many skills you may possess.Everyone should check their negative responses. Do you automatically say, "No it isn't." when someone makes a statement? Cut it out! S. Whitaker
ReplyDelete...Very true! I suppose that could equally be worded- "do you automatically respond positively or diplomatically when someone makes a statement? Keep it up!" Haydn seemed to have that gift.
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